INTRODUCTION

Welcome to the premiere edition of Trial by Dash!, a continuing series injudiciously reviewing sundry amateur radio goods, services and schemes strictly for the entertainment of our Dear Readership. In actuality, all things reviewed in Trial by Dash! are the greatest things since sliced bread, yours may vary.

 

THE HAM RADIO SHIELD

You see them here, you see them there, advertised in amateur magazines, back amongst the subminiature all-band antennas and sure-fire night crawler franchises. And part of you says, Who buys these things?

But of course you know. Because another part of you -- a deeper, vestigial part tucked between your Crocodile Brain and your Third Eye -- a more primal part of you finds this flashy, most authoritative of ham radio badges, shall we say...of interest? No? Not a little? Oh that's right. You only watch public television. You drink herbal tea with raised pinky and you're a soldering gun control advocate. Well, beg your pardon, but the rest of us choose to remain in touch with our inner, more atavistic selves. So while we might have our little chuckle, we don't dismiss amateur radio accessories out of hand, just because they happen to be big, shiny and personalized. Indeed, in this case, those just so happen to be our criteria of choice.

 

BIGNESS

No question about it. At twice the size of our plastic callsign tag, and who-the-heck-knows how many more cubic inches than our Radio Society of Great Britain pin, our new ham shield is boss, the King of All Bling in K1NSS Land. Granted, our collection of hobby radio-related adornments may not be the most extensive. But until our situation changes, such that we're in position to acquire substantially more important and more importantly bigger pieces, like the ARRL platinum 10 meter yagi tie clip or the very smart Associazione Radioamatori Italiani personalized museum-grade Roman gladiator bronze calllsign breastplate, we expect the shield to dominate our dresser caddy for years to come.

 

SHININESS

Compare the glare. This badge is dazzling, thanks to its gold-plated high-relief design. And extensive testing with our laboratory standard Corvid confirmed its appeal. On the CAWS Scale, the internationally recoginized metric of Appealing Shininess, this golden Godzilla measured a whopping 9.2. That compares to .5 CAWS for our dreary generic ID, and 2.3 for one of those mini aluminum pie tins like you might spy along the roadside, sparkling in the sun with its coy little blush of blueberry filing, ranging up to 8 CAWS for a diamond tiara and 8.7 CAWS for a fresh wad of Christmas tinsel.

 

PERSONALIZED ROBUSTIVITY

There we are, right in your face. Not somebody else. Us. Our call. Our handles. Our license grade. Where we live, virtually. It's kind of a lapel-friendly FaceBook page on which one may spill coffee or dribble crazy yellow mustard with impunity. And it never goes down with the network. The fact is, few realize just how much self-esteem hangs in the balance, vulnerable as hams are to systemic attack on our Digital Social Identity. A hack here, a smidge of EMP there and suddenly we're back to the Stone Age, back to weeping and wearing our hearts on the same sleeves with which we're forced to wipe our noses. Heads up, hams. This calls for one hardened, highly-personalized ID backup. But like all big decisions, the call is yours. So wear it out wisely.