Return of a Holiday Heartwarmer....
Chapter The First
In sleepy Dashville, New York, since the early 1920s, the Goodboys Radio Relay League (GRRL) annually threw open the exquisite electrified gates of their vast Palladian manor/headquarters, playing holiday host to the town’s population of street urchins.
One year, bowing at last to fashion and Title 9, in a desperate bid to maintain their non-profit tax status, the GRRL extended the invitation to Little Match Girls, in hopes these ragged, shivering, pitiful YLs too might become active, tithing amateur radio operators, eager to divert ten percent of their street corner match sales to the higher purpose of diamond-encrusted gargoyles for the South Shack fountain.
As legally-annulled great nephew of the late GRRL founder Hiham Pugsley Dashbum, Dash! The Dog-Faced Ham always harbored no small holiday resentment over this affair, given that League stewardship should have fallen to him, but for some youthful indiscretions during the turbulent late 1960s.
While records remain sealed, Master Dash!'s indiscretions were apparently such that The Old Boy's graveside sensors indicated rollover rates redlining at 2400 rpm. GRRL board members seized the opportunity to annul young Dash! as League heir, and lickity-split transferred stewardship in perpetuity to Big Guns in Land's End Leather Bush Hats International, a discreet dummy corporation/DX resort in the Caymans.
A rabid radio radical in his day, when not giggling or mouth-breathing, Dashiell “Dash!” Hammutt was contemptuous of The System and scorned working for, as he put it, “The Ham.” But as time passed, more and more he rued the day he turned his back on Great Uncle Hiham’s lavish amateur lifestyle, until his bitterness and crave-y for more gravy reached a tipping point.
Suddenly, perhaps once and for all in the Sargasso Sea that was his interior life, Dash! hatched his Great Notion.
He'd masquerade as an eager bearded Little Match Girl – to stealthily crash the GRRL HQ Holiday Open House and confront their shadowy Board of Directors in the soft, oriental carpeted underbelly of unchecked global hobby radio power.
A voice welled-up inside our hero, a voice of righteous rage, mixed with curiosity about what might be offered at the holiday buffet. He was jonesing for jalapeno poppers.
Tear down that wall! TEAR DOWN THAT WALL!
The voice screamed a little longer, caught its breath, and then, in more reasonable tones, suggested that if they were gonna crash the GRRL Open House it was time to suit up.
TO BE CONTINUED!
Nothing warms the DXer's soul like a QSL from some place colder, preferrably chilly as Kelvin's Kiester.
Check out some of our newly-acquired Coolios.
They say Outer Space puts ten pounds on your voice.
We dunno, ISS audio gets routed so circuitously, by the time you hear Dash! its been digitally sliced and diced six ways from Sunday, so suspend judgement until this Clutch Cargo Wannabe gets back to earth and we fine tune our Earl Schieb "I'll Animate Anything You Draw for 99 dollars" software.
New New One o' the Month!
If that Dehydrated Split Pea Soup Green wallpaper could talk, what ham ghost stories it might tell!
Who cares about playing radio over night in some dumb museum, seeing who can spit into the life size Blue Whale's blow hole from the observation gallery, and racing the elevators until Security gets all wee-weed up. Instead, imagine playing radio and eating all the powdered coffee creamer packets in the spooky snack bar at Dayton, Ohio's hallowed Hara Arena–amateur radio's eternally comfortable old 1971 bedroom slipper with the silky silver lining now turned an earth toned shade of Harvest Gold.
Dashtoons' brings back the SPECIAL to special event ops with our latest free, faux and fabulously collectible email QSL card yours for the asking. All we ask is your call sign buzzed here.
As Greek Geek Archimedes was fond of boasting, "Give me a vacuum big enough and I'll make the universe my triode!"
Realizing Archimedes broken dream, our hero Dash! The Dog-Faced Ham successfully deployed the first Ragtop Radio Tube aboard the International Space Station.
Developed by Dashtoons' highly-woodgrained technology partner Deluxe Luxury Laboratories, the massive semi-nude valve powered up without the need for Terrestrial containment, thanks to the free, easy and essentially infinite vacuum of outer space.
Innovative? Of course.
The Ragtop Radio Tube's rugged convertible top can be quickly lifted to protect the elements from the elements of space, everything from meteor showers to usual and customary space junk impacts, yours may vary.
What's more, Dash! was quick to take advantage of the extraordinary device, wiring up a single stage regenerative shortwave receiver from parts he scavenged from the ISS Life Support System Junkbox. His only regret is that everyone on board is already a ham, not impressed, and frankly annoyed because every time Dash monkeys with his one tube receiver's regeneration control, the space station lights dim.
Stay tuned as Dash!, Deluxe Luxury Labs and Big Bad Boffins around the globe wrap their minds around this paradigm shattering development!
Well, in a certain sense you already knew that, but yesterday Dash! The Dog-Faced Ham ren-dez-voo-ed with the International Space Station after a stock footage perfect launch from Kazakhstan's Baikonur Cosmodrome for a holiday mission in the name of Ham Science Fellowship.
Out to steal some thunder from the blockbuster space movie Gravity, a la Abbot and Costello meeting The Mummy, Dash! cashed in all his chits with kingpins of 21st century space travel George Clooney, Sandra Bullock, Richard Branson and Richard Hoagland, former NASA Administrator until Reptillian Overlords pulled that switcheroo with James Webb and hypnotized all our rocket scientists to follow Plan Nine.
Anyway, despite getting his zero-G space bunk short-sheeted and his hand stuck in a Glad Bag of warm Tang while he slept off his first trip into orbit, Dash! set right to, as Maynard G. Krebs used to say, "Work!"
Special thanks and tip o'the headphones to amateur radio's premier eZine, the K9YA Telegraph for showcasing Dash's great leap on their 2013 holiday issue cover.
I thought it was pretty clever. And so did Dave. But his reaction to my sketchy ham skier on air was that's not me. See, Dave gets his mogul's share of altitude but he's not a jumper. No, this OM is more the carving station. Nevertheless, Dave very patiently helped us catch his drift. We played around with antenna ideas too, and came around to a cool mag loop.
This sort of back and forth is what our custom QSL cards are all about. No clip art, no cookie cutters, nobody but you.
Think how much of yourself you put into your station.
And think about those precious QSOs with New Ones, new friends and best buds. Sure. you could celebrate them with an everyday QSL card and the fine business of amateur radio would go on as usual. But if you've reached a place where you don't have time for the same old same old, click here and consider us.